I’ve been blessed, having been able to work for the Hampshire Review for a little over 17 years. During that time, it seems I must have covered nearly every event that has ever happened in the county at least a time or two.
In doing so, I got the privilege to meet countless numbers of great people, many of which I became friends with, and others, at least acquainted with. I run into a number of those friends and acquaintances on a regular basis and most all of them are kind enough to inquire as to how I’m doing and how things are going.
I’d like to honestly answer a few of those questions, if I may. I’m sitting here in the middle of the night writing when I should be sleeping, but sleep has become a bittersweet friend. There are times during the days when I can’t seem to hold my eyes open and others at night when they won’t seem to stay closed.
If you ask how I’m doing and I say “I’ve had better days,” don’t think I’m complaining or being pessimistic because I’m really not. I’m just being honest. I “retired” from the Review because my health got me to the point where I felt I could no longer do the job justice and that wasn’t fair to the employer who had been more than fair to me for so many years. The pain has gotten to be chronic and some days appears to absorb my every thought, if not fully, at least in the back of mind.
People ask me if I regret having the back surgeries I’ve had and honestly, no I don’t. They did the job they were supposed to do and for the first time in my life I have a relatively straight spine and I can put on a shirt without having to be conscious of a hump on my back being so noticeable because it’s gone. I don’t know if the current problems are a spin-off of those surgeries or a new condition all together, but it is what it is. It’s now in the lower back, hip and legs rather than in the upper back.
I’ve been asked if I feel God has let me down and I can honestly say, “I really don’t.” If anyone’s got a complaint, I’m sure He’s got more than me for the many times I’ve let Him down over the years, but in spite of all that, He has been faithful for me. He never promised that life would be smooth or without pain and there’s not a person alive who hasn’t experienced it, one way or another. Feeling the pain on a day-to-day basis makes me sensitive to the pain of others. I can understand their hurt and sympathize, as well as empathize with them.
I am blessed because our church is growing, and I really think that it’s because we don’t make a lot of false promises on behalf of God. I don’t tell anyone to come to my church and God will take away all of your problems. But I can tell you that they will find a group of caring individuals who will walk through as many of those problems as possible without being judged or looked down on. I’ve had people tell me that my physical condition is because of sin and I say, “you’re right.” Everything was fine and dandy until Adam and Eve brought sin into the world, now we all have to pay the price.
So how am I doing on a day-to-day basis? I’m in good shape for the shape I’m in. Doctors tell me that if I could lose 80 pounds I’d feel much better so I guess I have no right to blame God then, do I? I’m sure I’ll get many responses on “How to lose weight without even trying” and I think I’ve tried them all. And were it not for some of the medications having an adverse effect by making me feel like I want to eat, I’m sure that some of those ways would be a little easier.
But I know that even those people who offer advice just want to help and I do appreciate that, as well. If I could change it all, would I? Of course, and I’d also drive a Mercedes but that’s not likely. I have prayed hard and long over the years for God to take away the pain and the fact that I still have it tells me He has a bigger, better plan – a picture I have not yet seen. I will walk this path until He shows me another one, even if some days it all seems uphill. But my current situation has given me more time to spend in the Word, studying for messages and getting to know God on a more intimate basis.
I have found that I have far more friends than I ever imagined and am being given far more opportunities to do things for others that time would not allow when I was working full time for the Review. So all is good, not because of my physical situation, but in spite of it. God has shown Himself faithful and gives grace where grace is needed. And on days when it seems hard to find the grace to get through, He always provides a friend, or two, or three to encourage me and remind me that I still have a purpose and God still has a plan.
Knowing that, and with all of the great folks around the county who have shown great concern, how could I not feel blessed?
